Ok, so i put it out there.....

Most of you will have been following our happenings anyway, with the failed vasectomy etc.

Having this pregnancy, had made me realise how very very much i did want a 3rd, and i thought it had made mike realise how very much he really didn't.

but i could not keep it any longer, i asked him last night, seriously, if the thought was that unbearable.

we had a bit of a chat, he had been getting used to the idea of it "because i had to, it was a reality" however i remindedhim, our girls are wonderful, we are good parents, we have beautiful babies and that i was putting it to him that it had made me realise i did want one more, i feel we have more to give, i always felt like there was another baby out there waiting for us, when i found out i was preg i just felt so much more peaceful, i knew that i did not want any more after this one, our family would be complete... then it all turned to custard. I am back to that feeling of "we're not quite finished" I don't want to try and replace our baby we have just lost, and i don't think anything will take that hurt away. I just know that for us, i don't want the gap to be too large, and it would have to be in the next year and a half.   

So i told him all this, and put it to him that who was to say that by the time i had had two "normal" cycles after this that his swimmers wouldn't have given up the ghost and finally gone away, but i let him know my thoughts.

HAve left it this morning, he was deep in thought last night, when i asked him what he was thinking about he reluctantly said that he was actually thinking about the whole idea.

Am not crossing fingers, but being realistic.

Will give him time, see what the reports etc say about this, and go from there. In reality i think i would prob say to him that give it a go until christmas, and if it's a no go in that time (usually preg 1st go, so if it took that long i'd know it wasn't meant to be i guess) then would flag it. if the same thing as this happened again, that would be another sign.

I'm just not ready to give up, we have another out there waiting for us, i know there is.

so after saying i'm not crossing my fingers.. well, i guess i am. lol

I can see things from his side too, two is managable, easier etc, our girls are great.   I just know from my side, that this isn't going to go away. it's going to keep eating at me, hence why i thought "if i don't ask i'll never know"

I know paris would be a great older sister, she has shown me that. She is so concerned still for baby, it has really upheaved her this whole thing. She asked me the other night that if our baby is an angel in heaven who tucks it in at night? that was a curly one.

I worry sometimes that I'll never be "done", that I'll just keep producing and producing until I can't anymore (yes I know I said I never wanted to be pregnant again but...) but a friend of mine who just had #4 (she lost bub # 3 to SIDS at 6 1/2 mths ) says she never felt done after #3, but now with #4 she looks at her and knows absolutely that she doesn't want/need anymore, and she's at peace with her family as it is. So I hope I come to that one day too.

I have not really read much of hte post's, but I get what you mean about the jsut knowing you are not done yet.  load's of people ask so you going to have anymore?  I promptly answer with a yes of course.    Any chick i hope you get hat yo ureally desire.  I think you and Mike are great parent's.   And like you say you have such beautiful children.

We decided after Jayden that he was the last, but by the time he was 6 months I had that nagging feeling that we weren't done so I know where you are coming from. It took a lot of convincing DH as he thought I had lost the plot, but I just knew I was supposed to have another one. Hubbys biggest concern is that I would always want another one!

So after a few years he gave in and we had No3 and I can gladly say that I now feel totally content and feel that my family is complete. The nagging sensations have gone and I think babies are cute but I no longer get that ache when I see mothers with them. Abby is now over two and I don't regret deciding not to have any more.

So good luck Janine I sincerely hope you get your No4 you to Emma.

just think, could nbe 4 & 5 Emma. they say the chances of having twins again is pretty high..

No. No it's not. I would shoot myself.

My girls are identical tho, so they're a freak of nature rather than genetic.

lol i love when we get parents in with girl boy twins and one of the relatives asks us.. "so are they identical?" it's like, noo, they're a boy and girl... "yes, but are they identical?" argh!!

that and we once had someone ask if babies cry in chinese.. lol.. (ok, so off the subject) but yes we get interesting questions.

I've had people ask me whether they're identical, and when I say yes they're like, "Oh, so a boy and a girl". Yes. They are identical. But they are different genders

My personal fave is when they are all dressed in pink and I get "oh, so two boys then?" I've been know to be particularly evil and say "yes, two boys, their names are Mercedes and Sienna" and watch them try to figure that one out

Sorry. OT.

lol!!! crying in chinese, I have tears from laughing!!