Back again :-(

Sadly I'm writing with bad news. We are losing our precious baby - again.

I had a small amount of pink / red blood at 10am yesterday morning, and freaked out as it was the exact same day of gestation (11w, 5d) as my last MC started. I rung my former MW as my partner was about to see her for accupuncture and asked if she could listen for baby's heartbeat (as it was a week since my new midwife, who is 1 hour's drive away, had listened for the heartbeat). She agreed but we didn't hear it, she said that was still normal, but to go to the hospital and request an emergency scan. We really thought it over, as we didn't want to have scans, but decided to do it.

Went to Akld Hosp, and had a bunch of lovely doctors who did an examination and said my cervix was all good, definitely still closed, but with some surface cells that had bled. But we still decided to go ahead with the US, just to really set our minds at rest, we nearly didn't as I felt happy with the news about my cervix and the reason for the slight bleed. Had the scan at 4pm and was gently told that our baby had died at approximately 8 weeks, just the same stage as last time.

I'm still numb and in shock I think. We are being booked into the clinic next Tues if I don't miscarry naturally over the weekend. I am NOT keen on using Misoprostol (I've read such horror stories about the pain of the contractions and nausea, vomiting, diaroeha etc) or having a D&C (as Maori I want to take the baby & palcenta to bury it and they've told me it will likely be 'macerated tissue' which is just abhorrent to me - sorry for TMI).

So I have been to get some heavy duty herbs that bring on MC (and that I used last time to clear everything out), and have had full on accupuncture this morning - was very ouchy as she kept 'stimulating' the needles, and apologising. I'm really hoping that all works, I could feel slight cramps in my cervix area when I had the needles in, but I've had no blood yet. This is just an awful waiting game now.

I can't believe it's happening again, and on the exact same dates as in October. Just don't know what to do. Our donor (my partners brother), lives in the Caribbean and we spent all of our money bringing him to NZ last time - so we are totally broke. So the thought that we have no other attempt anywhere in the foreseeable future just really compounds the awfulness of our situation.

Any advice people have on natural miscarriages and how long you can safely wait before needing medical intervention would be greatly appreciated. (I know to seek medical attention if my temps go up or I feel awful or I start to bleed heavily etc.)

I am so sorry to hear of your loss. Big hugs to you

Hi Pepe-bebe. Just wanted to send hugs and support. I was in the September group with you before losing my bubs at about 8 weeks too. Take care and be gentle on yourself.

Edited by MandzG

Oh Pepi!
I felt like hugging the computer screen and hoping you could feel it.
What a journey you and your wife are going through! My thoughts are with you guys, I hope you are able to find a way to complete your family sooner rather than later.

Sorry for your loss.

It can take quite a while to miscarry naturally. My first one I lost at 9 weeks and I started bleeding about 10 days after it stopped growing. 2nd one took about a week and number 3 took 4 weeks (stopped growing at 7 weeks but did not know untill bleeding started at 11 weeks).

Make sure you have some good pain relief on hand and buy some maternity sanitary pads. Also make sure you wear protection at all times because when you do start bleeding it can start very quickly and heavily.

Hi Pepi-bebe,

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss I hope you have lots of love and support to help you through this sad time. Big hugs

I had a missed miscarriage last year in September. Our baby had also died about 8 weeks and we didn't find out until our 12 week scan. I had no bleeding or any symptoms to indicate anything was wrong. I was carrying her around for a month without knowing she was gone and I was fine. I chose to have a D&C because it had been so long and nothing had happened and I didn't feel strong enough mentally to deal with a natural miscarriage.

I hope it happens for you soon and naturally as you wish. I also hope that you will have the chance in the future for another baby.

Take care lovely x

hugs Pepi-babe, sorry to hear of you loss

Hi everyone,

This is a bit of a cut and paste as I've been writing variations of the same stuff by email and facebook and text for days now!

I'm doing okay, the bleeding started on Monday and I had some pretty sore pain in the night Mon/Tues, then passed the baby at 6am on Tuesday. I'm still bleeding, but it was only heavy for the first half day. So I think I'm doing okay. I didn't use any pain relief, apart from a hot water bottle, but had started to learn some of the techniques for hypno birthing, so used the breathing exercises in the night and when I passed the baby, to calm down and not feel the pain too much.

I had ibuprofen here, but last time the baby passed with no warning and no pain till afterwards, so I kind of felt bad about that - like the I'd just let the baby slip away. So this time I didn't want to dull the experience with pain relief unless it got really bad. Maybe a bit mental, but I think it helped me to grieve better, to feel like it was some hard work to let go of the baby. And I feel pleased with my body for doing it naturally, at least it didn't let me down in that way. I don't know if you'll know what I mean, but that's how my mind is dealing with it so far.

I still feel really numb, whereas last time it was such a shock that I felt like the pregnancy and my dreams were just ripped away. I guess finding out the baby had died on Friday, then not actually passing till Tuesday gave me time to get my head around it more.

I'm normally a total waterworks, I cry at the drop of a hat, (especially when full of pregnancy hormones), but weirdly I've barely cried this time. I'm a bit scared maybe it will hit me in one minute and I'll be on the floor wailing...I guess I'll just have to wait and see. I'm not sleeping well though, haven't been to bed before 1.30am and last night it was 4am.

I had a lovely quote from my midwife who wrote: 'Your pain is the cracking of the seed that contains your larger self.'

Plus we've had huge support from our friends and family who are as shocked as us about this.

Thank you all for your kind words and helpful advice. x

so very sorry to hear that you're going through a mc again. xx