I think from what Ive seen with my own DD - she was 3.3yrs, and from friends kids with the same age gap or younger,...no matter what preparation u do, there is atill an adjustment period of about 6 weeks where u wonder what on earth happened to your little darling, and if they will ever be happy again and scared that u have broken the bond between you. It gets much better around that 6 week mark, but expect bad behaviour, tantrums etc before then. Its a huge adjustment for them, and no matter how many books u read to them etc to prepare its
a bigger change than the expect. Mum is very busy with baby all the time, less time to play with toddler, very tired and emotional,..the house will be messier, dinner might be late etc.
Its a good idea to get them used to what babies actually do when they are first born,...everyone talks about them getting a little brother/sister to play with,...but in reality this is not tru! Babies cry/sleep/feed and not much else,...maybe thats why things are better about 6 weeks as the baby starts to interact with smiles etc around that time?
I always try to remember back to when we first had DD,...I had always wanted to have babies, did lots of babysitting etc,...we knew as much as we could about what life would be like with a newborn but then when she was born it was still a huge reality shock,...omg this baby is ours,...I cant just give her back when she cries, etc! So its got to be a huge shock to a toddler too!
Am glad to have found this thread! DS will be 2.5 when #2 is due and have been starting to wonder about their first interactions as DS is very much a mummy's boy. Thanks Kellz- that was helpful. :)
DD1 was 2 and 3/4 when DD2 was born. To prepare DD1 I told her that babies cry because they can't talk so they have to cry to let us know when they need something and sometimes they cry for no reason. We made it all about 'us' as a family getting a baby, much like getting a new pet. I knew that DD1 would be most concerned about the crying so that's what we talked about the most, if you feel your DD will be most concerned about you holding new baby then perhaps you could teach her how to hold her dolls gently like a new baby, you can hold her dolls too, be mummies together before baby is born. We didn't have any major issues with DD1, the main thing we didn't prepare for was DD1 getting jealous that DH and I get to hold the baby more than she does! So we made sure she got to have a wee cuddle often, if it didn't suit (eg, trying to feed baby or get her to sleep) I would tell DD1 when she can hold baby (after dinner this evening or after baby's nap etc). We did have to put DD1's needs first quite often, because baby's not going to remember having to cry for an extra 5 mins while DD1 gets a sandwich or her bedtime story. It's a huge adjustment for Mum, something changes in your relationship with your first born, she's no longer a baby, she's a big sister and it's just different, but you'll find a way to make it all work :)
One of the biggest pieces of advice I give to mums having their second,when they have a toddler as well,is that when you have had the baby,and your older child comes to see you for the first time,whether thats at home or at the hospital,have someone else holding the baby,or have the baby in its crib,its you that your child will be most interested in seeing,you are the one they will have been missing,there will be plenty of time for your oldest child to look at and scowl at/admire the new addition to the family,but right now your child needs you. And if your older child takes one look at its new sibling and proclaims it to be disgusting,don't fear that they will be enemies forever and you've done your child a horrible injustice,first impressions in this case,don't really count...my son was 20 months when I had my 3rd (my eldest was 9,she was thrilled because she finally had a sister,when she met her,her baby sister peed in her hand,and she was thrilled) and my son took one look at her and said "no.Yuck"....now he refuses to go anywhere without her,they are the best of friends.
Otherwise,you do what you can,whatever it takes to get through the day,don't expect to be supermum,and don't be overcome with guilt if you don't feel you've been a good enough mum to either children somedays,there is always the next day,and all the days after that.Count the good days,disregard the bad and whenever you do worry that you are turning your older child's world upside down,remember thats not always a bad thing,you are bringing your child someone special to share their world with,and whether you love them or hate them,there is no relationship like that of siblings.
If you've got any friends with a newborn & older sibling get together with them & let them hold the new baby & gush over how cool it was having a sister or brother.
I never had a problem with my 3yo & I wonder if it was this? Also I wonder also cause we were at home & he could come to see her on her own terms as well??? I do remember we were in bed with G in the morning & C came in to bed he jumped in & squished right up to Dad as far away as he could get from the baby & I said you can touch & this little hand reached out and sorta poked the baby in the arm & when she didn't explode or what ever he thought was going to happen, he then held her hand.
I've given him free access to hold her when he wants so it's all been on his terms & it's been great, he adores her & loves it now when she laughs at him.
Tantrums just come with child hood territory but I've not noticed any sleep regression, he still comes into bed with us but is careful to get on the other side of me away from the baby which is good. I did say yes you can get into bed, but you need to sleep over here rather than no go back to your own bed, so he's still special that he can sleep with us. I guess the most problems would happen when you completely change things on them.
I forgot to warn DD1 that babies vomit sometimes! She was carefully stroking baby's face at hospital when baby power-chucked, causing DD1 to scream/cry/panic, then baby screamed. Took a while to calm them both down and convince DD1 that she hadn't broken the baby!
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Helping 3 y/o adjust to NB?
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and wondering what we can do to help her adjust before baby arrives and make things easier once it does.
May 2012
