Help with toddler behaviour....

DS is 2 years 8 months, DD is 12 weeks, and I am finding the toddler harder than the baby :-( His behaviour is awful, throwing tantrums, talking back, yelling, pushing, hitting, and generally being a PITA. I am starting to dread taking him anywhere cause I can't cope :-(

I can't help but wonder if it is my parenting or something I am or am not doing, or lack of discipline or something?? Or is it just a combination of the age, the new baby, and just dropping his nap?

I thought he adjusted quite well to DD, he loves her to pieces (although is rough) and I give him dedicated one on one time when she is asleep. He doesn't go to any sort of kindy yet (bring it on, three months to go!) so I worry he needs more stimulation, but how do I give him that when he is so difficult to manage?

When we are out and he is horrible, I try time out, or punishment/rewards. Today the punishment was we go home. And we did :-( He pushed two little kids and one mother found it necessary to point out that he had pushed someone else (not even her kid!) so I was at the end of my tether.

Any one got suggestions as to how I handle his behaviour, better ways to cope, am I missing something? At the moment I have turned the tv on, just to get a break from him :-(

Its sounds very normal behaviour for that age- us in the Jan 2010 group have all been going through the same thing with our toddlers recently.

Its definatly difficult when they have dropped their nap too- DS has done that too.
I found the best thing that helped his aggresive behaviour when around other kids was to hang out with kids he did want to play with instead- can be hard- but he was constantly hitting and grabbing at 2 of my friends girls the same age- but when I thought about it he had nothing in common with them, wanted to play differently and with different stuff- I was much more relaxed and so was he when at music cos he has a good mate their who is a about 6 months older and they play builders and rough and tumble games etc and both love it and dont fight almost at all.
I also found being near him at playgroup rather than watching from a distant helped so I was there if he wanted to intereact with me, and it greatly reduced the problems he was having with getting frustrated and lashing out the other kids.
Also leaving the min he was getting tired/grumpy etc- rather than when I was ready or the session ended- following his cues more closely ment we were both more happy.
At home what helped was putting heaps of his toys away out in the garage, and having just 2 boxes inside and they bringing one small lot out at a time- he plays better like that than having a heap of toys available at once, then we rotate them every few weeks.

Hope some of that helps a bit.