Life after miscarriage

What a great idea.

I had a suspected miscarriage 6mths ago....i say suspected as poas tests were neg...and just as i was to go for bloods i started bleeding. (i was 7wks)...and as Rhiannon was really sick that weekend by the time i managed to get to the doctors myself it had stopped.

I had 2 miscarriages before i got pregnant with rhiannon and they are really heart breaking.

I am a firm believer that things happen for a reason and that it was my bodies way of telling me that something was wrong with the baby.

so technically i hve a beautiful baby girl and 3 little angels...who i believe will come back to me one day.

Life does go on after a miscarriage...it has too...time does heal the pain but it doesnt take away our hopes and dreams.

I agree Kazzle, our wee angels are up there playing together

I have two angels, one that went to heaven at 8w6d in 1995 and one that went to heaven on the 2nd January 2006.

I truly believe that things happen for a reason, if I hadn't lost my first pregnancy I would have been in a completely different place and time and might never have met Willie and had Maya. And if our last wee angel had lived we wouldn't have been blessed with the gremlins. I still think about my angels often tho.

I certainly didn't deal with my last one very well. At the time all I was worried about was getting pregnant again as our angel had taken a year to conceive. I did get pregnant again very quickly and I think in hindsight it was too quickly as I had an extremely anxious and stressful pregnancy (partly coz it was twins so higher risk but also because of my state of mind), difficulty bonding with the babies, and a resurgance of the clinical depression I've had on and off over the past few years.

Altho I'll never know whether I would have had an easier run if I'd waited longer, I think I still would have been highly anxious. And I'm slowly working thru the issues now.

I'm writing a feature for OHbaby! on pregnancy and infant loss to tie in with Pregnancy and Infant loss awareness week in October, and whilst I am finding it a very difficult subject to tackle, I am also finding it cathartic.

Hi there ladies. YAY emma, firstly for creating this board.. and secondly for creating this board without as you put it "tilting the world off it's axis" lolol.. (was that what you said.. something similar)

Sounds tupidly stupid, but today, before going in, i was a wreck, emotionally physically, hormonally. however, right now, i am ok, i don't know what drugs they gave me but they must be good. i keep waiting for it all to hit... i know it will. but for now am "enjoying" feeling better than i have in a while.

We'll see.

but yay for having this board, hopefully no-one will have to come here for advice again in a very long time, but sadly i know that it's sucha reality that this board will probably be well used. helps to be able to get it all out and talk to others without bringing it up on the pregnancy boards.. and freaking out the other new mums to be.

a big thank you.
Right now i feel ok, but am sure i will beon here alot int he next few days once these drugs wear off. lol

Yay SallyBelly - I somehow missed that you are pregnant again! Awesome news - congrats! All the best for a happy healthy nine months! Have you had a scan yet? I was a nervous wreck and had three scans before 12 weeks coz I was so paranoid.

Janine - glad to hear you managed to get thru yesterday, and hoping your physical recovery is a quick one. Will reply to your PM when I get more than about 30 seconds spare time

Woohoo! Glad to hear all is going well. If it helps, less than 5% of miscarriages occur after a heartbeat is seen on ultrasound so things look really good for you!

My doctor refused to do any more hCG's after the first 3 or 4 coz I started getting a bit obsessive

Okay might be long so feel free to just skimped over.

I always wanted to be a mother. Was just one of those things. I gave up on medicine to become a mother as I didnt wanted to work 24 hour periods and not see my kids.

We had a pregnancy scare a year into our relationship and that awaken some stuff in me. I must say my hubby (then fiance) was nothing short of a miracle to me. He took it so well. But alas it wasnt one. All I wanted to do was just have a baby and must admit I pressured hubby a bit. A week before our wedding I decided to back off totally with it and to just enjoy the moment.

So it came as a big surprise to me on our honeymoon night that he told me he is ready and want to make a baby. I wasnt on contraceptive and we concieved on our honeymoon. What can be more romantic right?

Anyway my best friend found out she was pregnant but was keeping it quiet as she was marrying a Muslim. She also had an accident in uni and had a son. So both of them kept it quiet from the family as they were getting married in 2 weeks.

So we concieved roughly the same time. I was glad that someone was going to go through it with me the same time and she has done this before. I was shocked when I started spotting and called her in a panic and she told me it is propably just due to implantation bleeding. But something just didnt feel right to me. I thought it is just first time mom fears. Hubby and me had a huge fight, cant remember about what. Half an hour later when I went to the bathroom it was just blood. Went to go see a dr that wanted to do a pelvic exam. I was too freaked out and asked them if they can do anything if it was an mc. They said no so I declined.

I got clots the next day and went back and she said that it is definately an mc. I decided to let it happen naturally. I was really so sad about it ect. Hubby was a pillar or strength and I got angry about it. He didnt show any emotion what so ever.

A few months later I woke up and he was crying his heart out about our baby. I didnt tell my friend about the mc and hubby went to the wedding alone. I only found out after McKayla's birth that he did tell her about the mc as she knew something was up when I didnt come. I only saw her once pregnant close to the end when I invited them over. It broke my heart and I only saw Zane after I had McKayla.

I called one of our friends studying to become a gynae and she referred to me one of her other dr's the only one she will trust with her own pregnancy one day.

She was absolutely wonderful and immmediatly when she saw me and I told her stuff she said she thinks I have PCOS and did scans and bloodwork. Came back positive.

I really was down. She didnt wanted to go the drug route but try naturally by losing a bit of weight ect. I just wasnt in the mood and just wanted a child like right now.

A few months later I decided what da heck give it a try. Lost a bit of weight and during Dec started bleeding like hell again. I didnt feel pregnant but did a test anyway and it was positive. I knew this is another mc. She explained to me she doesnt think it was an actual baby but that it was a biochemical mc. (not going to go in an explanation) But she was kind of happy about the weightloss ect and laughed at my other comments and made a promise that if I wasnt pregnant by my birthday that we will do more tests ect but she is sure I will be pregnant soon.

Got pregnant on my next cycle but also had bleeding she got me in real fast as bloodtests showed up fine. Bleeding was away from McKayla but they think it was another baby I lost. My progesterone was a bit low so they gave some supplements and strict bedrest. I got to see a heartbeat at 5 and a half weeks already which is really early.

My baby girl was born in December. I lost our honeymoon baby in Dec and had the other mc also in Dec. So I really do believe she is my Christmas Angel that God sent down to heal my heart.

Another sign of that was for me is that hubby allowed me to keep one of my cats kittens. Same time as my first mc. And that kitten was so closed to me. Exactly 6 weeks after the mc she came into my life. Exactly 6 weeks after the birth she dissapeared.

Okay long essay over.

Just sending some love in here xxxx
We lost our baby last year, I thought my heart would be broken forever, I was devestated and even with a loving husband felt so alone. I think about our angel alot but my heart doesnt feel so broke anymore. xoxoxox