What is it like to be a dad in the world today?

In what can often be a female dominated realm, Logan Donnelly is shining a light on what it's like to be a dad in the world today.

You wouldn’t be mistaken for thinking that the parenting world is a mama's domain, with little focus on fatherhood and what it's like to be a dad in this day and age. Tauranga based Logan Donnelly is seeking to change this by publicly sharing his journey of fatherhood with all its ups and downs. He’s also becoming known for his savvy money saving tips for families who are feeling the pressure with the current cost of living crisis; and judging by the response he’s had, his message is resonating with many kiwi parents.

Logan, 29, and his wife Charlee, 28, became parents in 2021 with the arrival of their daughter Delilah. Through his social media accounts and several interviews, Logan started speaking out about what it’s like to become a dad. His honest and candid take on ‘dad life’ quickly attracted a large audience, many of them other fathers. Following an engaging interview with Kiwi Birth Tales it became apparent that there were few dads sharing their experiences, so Logan decided to be the change he wanted to see. “There was little to no content out there to guide new dads who want to be more supportive partners, better fathers and just overall better people for their little humans. I’m hoping, with the support of others, to create a platform for parents to share helpful tips and stories for new dads. I hope to cover content from male infertility to looking after a baby with reflux” Logan shares.

Part of the reason Logan wants to shine a light on fatherhood is to offer support to other men who might be going through similar challenges as he faced. At 21 Logan found out that he had low testosterone, but the only treatment available at the time caused infertility. “I delayed it as long as I could but this led to some pretty significant impacts on my mental health as low testosterone affects your mood, energy levels, and libido. I knew I couldn’t keep going on like that” he says. Three years later, after trying lots of other options, Logan finally began testosterone replacement therapy, knowing that this would mean he would become infertile within just a few months. “Char and I knew we wanted to have a family, so it was a really hard decision. I wasn’t willing to give up hope though so I started researching like crazy and found out that there had been successful trials in the United States and the UK with men taking the drug hCG to help regain fertility while on TRT,” he says.

After making this discovery, the next step was to find a doctor who would prescribe it to him, which proved challenging as it’s usually only used for women. Finally Logan found a specialist who was onboard and was interested to see if it would work. “The plan was to try hCG while still on testosterone treatment for 12 months to see if it worked. The first three months were intense, as the hCG made my oestrogen levels spike, so I had similar symptoms to a woman with PMS, I couldn’t control my emotions and would cry over the smallest things. The plus side was I could finally relate to what Char and other women go through!” he laughs. Three months in, Logan had a sperm count done and it had gone up, so they increased the hCG dose. After another three months it had gone up again and they knew something was happening. “We were hopeful, but were still thinking it would take a while until Char could become pregnant, then it happened, and we were in disbelief!” he shares.

After a rocky first trimester with morning sickness, and feeling nervous whether or not the pregnancy would hold, the reality finally set in at the 20 week scan, where they found out they were having a girl. “We finally realised – this is happening!” Logan says. The rest of the pregnancy went smoothly, they moved into their first home when Char was 36 weeks pregnant, and they were excited to welcome their new baby. At 41.5 weeks pregnant Char finally went into labour but when Delilah was born the umbilical cord was wrapped around her neck, and she wasn’t breathing. “She needed resus straight away, there was no oxygen going into her. The doctors were trying to use a machine to suck the out the mucous that her lungs were filled with but it wouldn’t work. I went into focussed mode and followed the cord of the machine and realised there was a switch that hadn’t been turned on, we switched it on and thank god it started working and allowed Delilah to take her first breath. It had been six minutes without oxygen though and we didn’t know what damage that could have caused. It was really scary” remembers Logan.

Although the suction had been successful and Delilah looked to be recovering well, an hour later her blood markers showed that she had an infection and had to be put on strong antibiotics, “She had a pretty rough start to life, and then we discovered soon after that that she had reflux. It was so hard to hear her crying and crying and to not be able to do anything that really helped.” During these challenges, Logan began to realise there wasn’t a lot of support out there for dads and so started to share his experiences in the hope of creating community and helping other dads to know they’re not alone. “Honestly I just wish there had been something out there that could have helped me prepare a bit better. I think dads are in this really interesting space right now culturally. The ‘dad’ role used to be primary breadwinner, but now dads have to figure out exactly what their role is. I’ve spoken with a few others now and it’s quite clear that what a ‘dad’ is is very different from couple to couple. But the lack of clarity on what the role is creates anxiety and feelings of inadequacy I believe”, says Logan.

In sharing his story, Logan’s goal is to let dads know it’s okay if they’re struggling. “I also think helping mums see things from a ‘dad lense’ could be really helpful. For example I frequently see posts from mums asking “Why is my husband cleaning the garage/roof instead of helping me with the baby?”. It took me a while to realise that this is a common response from new dads; they often feel quite useless (especially if mum is breastfeeding) in the first three months. To help quell this feeling and regain some feeling of control and usefulness they tend to throw themselves into a house project. You’d be amazed at the amount of guys that suddenly start doing the home landscaping in the fourth trimester! I even did this myself without realising it”, Logan shares.

As well as sharing his fatherhood journey, Logan’s budgeting guide and cost-saving tips have also proved to be a hugely helpful resource for many families, “I love being able to share what has helped us as new parents.”

Logan’s money saving tips

◼️ Power – use a tool like Powerswitch to compare KWH prices with your current provider and others in your area. Look at the sign-up deals as well. Moving from Trustpower to Contact (and utilising the Good Nights plan that gives free power 9pm-midnight) saved us $1,500 a year!

◼️ Internet – this one is a bit harder to compare but you can manually go to the different internet providers and see what price they offer. A lot of newer providers offer three months free on sign-up. If you do the math, annually you can make some decent savings! (We saved about $500 a year).

◼️ Insurance – review your insurance! Check what is covered. If you're able to put $1,000 aside into an account you can’t touch, then change all your insurance excesses to $1,000, you'll see a decent drop in your weekly premiums. It takes time to compare insurance providers but it is worth it. At the moment Trademe Insurance is the cheapest I could find for car and house insurance. (We saved $1,480 by changing to them and increasing our excess to $1,000)

◼️ Supermarket – set up a click and collect and you won’t do impulse buys. If you have a Pak’nSave nearby, use them, we have found that they are the cheapest overall.

◼️ Budget! Use the Kiwidad budget template (find on Instagram @_kiwidad) or any budget template that works for you. You need to learn what your spending habits are. If you spend $80 a week on takeaways that’s fine but track it and then you can start looking at strategies to mitigate!

Check out @_kiwidad on Instagram for more tips and to follow along on the Donnelly’s journey.

WORDS: KAHU DE BEER

PHOTOGRAPHY: ALICE VEYSEY